It’s Not the Alcohol. It’s the Magic Moment.

This is what we're addicted to and the exact spot to break a painful cycle on repeat.

“‘What do you like doing best in the world, Pooh?’

‘Well,’ said Pooh, ‘what I like best—’ and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn’t know what it was called.”

—A.A. Milne, The House at Pooh Corner

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When it comes to the Cycle of Addiction, a dirty little secret is this: There’s a moment in that cycle when addiction works.

In that moment—which occurs just before partaking in one’s drug of choice rather than during the actual consumption or doing—everything is right with world (or at least feels a whole lot better).

After all the hard work it took to get there—all the planning and focus and energy (not to mention everything it took to clean up and cover up the consequences from last time)—there’s a moment of stillness and calm. There’s a moment where, temporarily, all is okay.

Or, in the words of Charlie Sheen: “I’m winning!”

This brief window before using is what we’re actually addicted to and what holds the hook. I call it the Magic Moment.

It’s also the exact spot where we can break the Cycle of Addiction and have it never play out the same way again.

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The Power of the Magic Moment

What’s so “magical”? Why does it “work”? Sure, it took a lot to get here—getting here was probably our primary fixation while pretending to focus on other people and things.

But now that we’re here—after all the covering up, planning, and acquisition—we aren’t using yet. In the Magic Moment, we haven’t consumed our drug and are not yet high from intake.

So where’s the magic? I’ll tell you: In that moment—even for mere seconds in time—we’ve silenced the voices of limiting core beliefs. These beliefs are painful. These beliefs contain the origins of addiction and give birth to the cycle.

Why does this hold such power? What’s the big deal with beliefs? I can explain this using Chinese Medicine theory, complete with models and charts.

But for our purposes today, in plain English, it comes down to this: Experience controls belief. Let’s take a look.

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Experience Controls Belief

Many approaches recognize the role of “limiting core beliefs” in feeding and perpetuating addiction. These beliefs vary from person to person but, in general, center unfavorable ways of viewing ourselves and our innate worth (or lack thereof).

For example, I might have a limiting core belief of “I’m not loveable” or “I’m not enough” or “I’m unworthy” or “I’m broken or bad” or, or, or…

When caught in addiction, whether such beliefs are true is irrelevant (as are any “positive affirmations” we tell ourselves but don’t truly and subconsciously believe).

These beliefs are painful. The Magic Moment, in hushing them, offers respite and relief. Such relief doesn’t last of course (rather, when caught in addiction, we do the exact thing that will “prove” those beliefs and reinforce the painful cycle). But, for a moment, it works.

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Think about it: In that moment just before using, the future holds one option. Everything’s in place. No thought or planning’s required. It’s just you and “your stuff” (whether alcohol or other drugs, food you’re about to binge, etc.).

You’ve finished everything it took to get here. The energy of deserving what’s next reaches its climax.

This is the culmination and pinnacle of the Cycle of Addiction: The rollercoaster has reached the top of the first, steepest climb. You’re suspended for an instant of calm, surveying your surrounds. You’re about to begin the ride.

None of this lives in “theory.” Acquisition and using are no longer an idea, plan, or mere craving. The moment is now. It’s finally an experience. And…

Experience controls belief. Including limiting beliefs. Including the ones at the origins of addiction.

In the Magic Moment just before using, the promise and power of experience leaves no room for anything else. Not even our deepest, most painful limiting beliefs.

That’s why it works. That’s why we’re addicted to the Magic Moment—not the actual substance or behavior.

At the top of the ride (or right before digging into that honey) addiction makes sense.

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Chef André & 10 Minutes

Here’s another example, from real life. I spoke recently with Chef André deWaal, a fine-dining restaurant owner of Andre’s Lakeside Dining and member of Ben’s Friends. For those not familiar with this organization:

“Ben’s Friends is a community of chefs, bartenders, line cooks, servers, sommeliers, hosts and hostesses, GMs and owners who have found or are seeking sobriety. Our mission is to offer community, hope and a path forward for those struggling with substance abuse and addiction. At our core, we are hospitality workers who have found connection, and the tools to seek and maintain sobriety while managing our careers and lives in a sane and purposeful way.”

When I asked Chef André about the Magic Moment, he knew precisely what I was talking about and provided a personal example:

“There would be about 10 minutes before 10 a.m. when I had the next meal planned and prepped and the early help was gone and the serving staff wasn’t in yet. It was right here, when I would sit down at the bar with the place to myself and crack open a cold beer. It was those 10 minutes that I deserved.

I noticed that if I was interrupted by a staff member coming in early, I’d have to pound that beer. Then, I’d have to quickly go and give that person some work so I could get back to the bar.

I’d already had the beer, but I didn’t get my 10 minutes. So, I’d have to have a second beer…all before 10 a.m. Even then, I still didn’t get those full 10 minutes to enjoy it, so this fed into a day’s worth of chasing it and drinking”

Yes, André: That’s exactly what I’m talking about. It’s those 10 minutes “you deserved” that held the power—not the beer itself.

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Awareness Equals Opportunity

So where’s this leave us? How do we break free of the Magic Moment’s clutches and the promise that has never and will never be kept?

How do we stop seeking a fleeting instant of relief that will ultimately culminate in reinforcing our limiting core beliefs and an increasingly painful cycle?

Well, for starters, the Medicine of Awareness offers an opportunity to recognize what’s happening before, during, and after. With intention and practice, we’ll catch what’s about to happen sooner rather than later and eventually skirt it entirely.

We only need to be aware enough to pause, breathe, relax our shoulders and belly, and ask:

“What am I doing here? Is this really what I want? Has this ever gotten me what I’m truly after?”

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Play the tape forward: See what comes next. See where the Magic Moment has led Every. Single. Time. See that it can never and will never deliver.

Remind yourself that the Magic Moment—a brief experience of calm and relief—is gone in an instant.

Ask yourself: Is that instant ever worth it? Are a few minutes (at most) ever worth the consequences that always come after?

When you interrupt the Cycle of Addiction at this exact point—the point just before using—you ruin it. And by “ruin,” I mean you take away its power. You shed light on what “has the hook” and how it will silence limiting beliefs for a mere moment…before reinforcing them and all the pain and consequences.

When we throw a wet blanket on the Magic Moment, we utilize not only the Medicine of Awareness, but also the Medicine of Experience. We shift from an experience that acts on behalf of addiction…to one that works in our favor.

In the process, we interrupt the entire cycle. We take the truth that “experience controls belief” and use it for good and for healing.

By bringing awareness…by creating a different experience…by throwing a monkey wrench into “what we always do to get what we always get”…we step out of the cycle and change the story.

Each time we manage to do this and back away from the Magic Moment (along with the using and consequences), we offer ourselves a different experience. One that is healing and actually quiets limiting beliefs. One that proves our capacity to be more and choose differently.

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Now you.

Well? Does this ring true? Can you identify the Magic Moment just before using your drug of choice?

Can you see the fleeting nature of that moment…and how its promise is never kept?

What would it be like to see it…then choose something different? What experience would that bring? How would that impact your underlying fears, worries, wounds, and beliefs?

I’d love to hear from you in the comments. Also feel free to email me directly at Spirit@RandalLyons.com.

And if you’re ready for comprehensive, intensive support in working with this and escaping a painful cycle, head here for a Free Preview of The Sober Shaman’s Path of Recovery.

With All Good Medicine,
Randy

Copywriting and editing by my wife and partner, Dr.

Dana Leigh Lyons

, who shares raw, unfiltered writing about sobriety and soulful living at

Sober Soulful

.