Inner Knowing? Or Terminally Unique?

I’m 28 years clean & sober...and my recovery journey looked different.

This July, I’ll have 29 years of continuous sobriety. Staying clean and sober hasn’t been something I’ve needed to “work at” for years now…but wow was it in the beginning. And wow was the “support” I found…unsupportive.

In early recovery, I wanted to find “my people” and “my path.” In essence, I was seeking an approach that would work for me. In that search, I started where most people do, attending a few gatherings of folks who resonate with one very specific, very popular method.

To be clear, that particular method has helped countless people and saved countless lives. Problem is, it—and the language it uses—didn’t work for me.

In those gatherings, when I shared how I felt coming into sobriety and was vulnerable about how “I wanted to do it,” long-standing attendees did little listening and lots of well-rehearsed responding. The general refrain? “Hey guys, we’ve got another ‘terminally unique’ one over here!”

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According to them, I was not going to get or stay clean “doing it my way.” For them, the one and only answer was clear. I needed to:

• Adopt their system, language, and beliefs without customization, conditions, or questions.

• Join “with them” versus with other “terminally uniques.”

• Trade my gut feelings, intuition, and inner compass for their “experienced know-how.”

Now, some of this makes sense for certain people in certain situations. Addiction is tricky, and it’s all too easy to “think we know best” when it’s actually denial doing the talking.

And yet, for me, this was not that. And, for me, something about the whole thing—and their language—felt off.

Long story short: I did not join them. I trusted my gut and found “my people” and path. I got clean and sober and still am—nearly 29 years later and long after many others I met had relapsed.

To be clear: I’m sharing my personal experience. I’m not dissing these particular gatherings or this particular method. It has worked wonders for many and has saved many lives.

And, it wasn’t for me. And, there’s never one approach that will be the best fit for everyone. Because here’s the thing:

Addiction is predictable. You are unique.

Meaning: Addiction has immutable, unforgiving, universal laws that apply to everyone. And, at the same time, addiction is highly personal, and your path in recovery won’t look exactly like anyone else’s.

What’s more, there are some truths that are older, deeper, and wiser than whatever addiction has taken over. These sorts of truths are held and known in your bones.

AND, this isn’t a free pass. To get to those truths, take aligned action, and break an addictive cycle, you still have to do necessary and universally unavoidable work. Then do it again. And again.

To quote Joseph Campbell:

“You enter the forest at the darkest point, where there is no path. Where there is a way or path, it is someone else’s path. You are not on your own path. If you follow someone else’s way, you are not going to realize your potential.”

I weave this quote and Campbell’s “Hero’s Journey” into Lesson 29 of The Sober Shaman’s Path of Recovery. Get a Free Preview here.

Images of me by Brian Limoyo

Truth…or Addiction Talking?

Yes, but… When can you trust your gut and deeper knowing…and when is what you’re hearing the voice of addiction, justification, and denial?

How do you know the difference?

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For me—and these details will be different for everyone—I knew in my bones that my “unique path” in recovery involved Chinese Medicine and shamanism. Both held answers, but no clear, well-paved path.

Indeed, entering the forest at the darkest point, there was no path.

The recovery field has expanded in recent years, and more options are available. Back then, there were no support groups to speak about my trauma, feelings, or addiction-related issues in these specific, sometimes esoteric languages.

So, I listened to my gut. So, I followed my heart and bones.

This wasn’t easy. It required that I participate—not just in finding answers, but finding my answers—and articulating how the universal applied to the personal.

Then, finding answers, I had to do the necessary and universally unavoidable work. I’m still doing it—I’ll always be doing it.

Put differently, finding the path that works for you does not mean taking the easy way or bypassing the problem. Quite the opposite, really.

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Where do you start?

You are the only person who can choose this journey and can choose to step onto your path of recovery—whatever that looks like and whatever language and practices work for you.

And, in finding my way, I made it my life’s work to help others. My online, self-guided program, The Path of Recovery and one-on-one work with clients combines Chinese Medicine, shamanism, and the alchemical combination of practices that helped me. One that’s been tested and refined during my own trek through the forest—and my work helping thousands of others.

For today, start here. It’s not the whole of it by any stretch—but it will help you discern that true knowing in your bones…from the sneaky voice of denial and addiction:

In Chinese Medicine, we have something called “Zhi.” Often translated as “willpower,” it’s actually not that.

Zhi goes deeper. Zhi is related to our inner knowing and inner compass.

Zhi is what we know, deep down, is true and healing and best for us.

Has your Zhi been hijacked?

So long as we’re tuning into our true Zhi and internal guidance system, knowing what to do—even one next, healing step—will be clear.

Problem is, addiction hijacks our willpower…and pulls our Zhi along with it. This is one reason why some approaches to recovery speak of “surrendering your will” as an essential first step.

In the Alchemist Recovery approach, this does not mean surrendering your Zhi and deepest, truest, in-your-bones knowing. Rather, it means surrendering to that knowing—and the truth—and going from there.

This includes admitting you have a problem. Then having the courage to enter the forest. Then taking one step in accordance with your inner compass. And another. And another.

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Addiction has probably hijacked your Zhi if…

• Thoughts, beliefs, feelings, or behaviors are leading back to ANY phase of the Cycle of Addiction (i.e., planning, acquiring, using, or covering up your drug of choice):

You find yourself in the company of what, in recovery circles, are known as “slippery people, places, and things.”

• Your recovery feels like hammering square pegs into round holes and is not yielding rewarding outcomes.

As the saying goes: The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

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You can trust your Zhi and what you know to be true when it…

• Connects you with your Higher Power, helping and compassionate spirits, and/or other sources of support—whatever that means for you.

• Leads you to participate in healing practices and rituals—whether centered around your Higher Power or other sources of support, allowing expression of deep emotions, offering insights into your Cycle of Addiction, and/or providing next steps in your recovery journey.

• Inspires your heart and stimulates your mind to do the next right thing.

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Well? What’s your answer?

I know firsthand it’s a lot to sort out on your own. In Alchemist Recovery, I guide the way, help you take this deeper, and make sure you’re pointed in your right, most healing direction.

If you want more, keep following along in this series. In coming weeks, we’ll be doing Alchemist Recovery exercises to help you find clarity and get your answers.

If you have questions now and don’t want to wait, feel free to email me at Randy@AlchemistRecovery.com. Also feel free to ask or share down bellow in the comments.

Copywriting and editing by my wife and partner, Dr.

Dana Leigh Lyons

(whom you can also find at

The Alchemist’s Notebook

)