Breaking the Spell of Addiction

Part 1: The spell only works if we believe its lie.

Mar 02, 2024

When someone’s in active addiction, it can seem like they’re under a spell. They walk through life in a trance. They act as if they’re possessed.

But what if this is a spell? What can we do to break it?

Addiction is a spell.

Now, you may think that a spell is made up rather than real. However, when we believe in something—even a lie—we give it power. We allow it to cast a spell over us.

The spell becomes real when we believe the lie and make it so. Let’s break this down:

1. Addiction is a spell.

In this context, I define a spell as a set of critical self-beliefs that we tell ourselves repeatedly.

These beliefs tell us that right here, right now, we are damaged and/or not enough in some way.
We hear these beliefs in the form of “I am” statements.
For example: “I am (fill in the blank with how I am not enough or damaged).” Common ones include: “I am a loser, weak, stupid, unlovable, or worthless.”
This statement is the spell.

2. This spell is a lie and not real.

We didn’t enter this world with critical self-beliefs or thinking we were damaged and not enough.
Beliefs form in response to experience.
Our internal beliefs often come from outside influences and forces.
But there was a time before that outside imposition. There was a time when we could have brushed them off as a lie or laughed at them as a joke.
They weren’t real. They held no power.

3. The spell becomes real when we believe the lie and make it so.

What happens to make us believe we are damaged and not enough?
I call it TAHL: trauma, abuse, heartbreak, and loss.
This covers the range of experiences that can flip our beliefs. In the wake of such experiences, we no longer believe that the world is safe or that we are good enough.
When TAHL happens, everything changes. We were one way before, and another way after—never to be the same again.

TAHL happens to all of us, so that’s not necessarily the problem. The problem comes when:

TAHL is not digested and expressed so it sticks to us.
These experiences become part of our identity and part of the story we use to define ourselves.
This is a problem because now we view the critical “I am” statement as true. We come to believe its lie.
We then go out and participate in active addiction, which provides evidence “proving” the lie of our critical self-beliefs.

When we believe and participate in the lie, we turn it into reality. That’s the only way addiction can exist and the only way the spell of addiction can work.

Why do only some people believe the lie and fall under this spell?

There are far more people who are under this spell than not. So, why aren’t we all addicts? Well…aren’t we though? It depends on your definition of addiction.

If we widen our scope of “using,” how would you describe your relationship to the spell of:

Social media (versus actual, real-life connection)
Busywork (versus the development of mastery)
Consuming (versus nourishing body, mind, and soul)
Success (versus happiness)

How to break the spell of addiction

For now, let’s keep things simple by sticking to more conventional ideas of addiction and focusing on abuse of a harmful substance or action.

How do we break this spell? Well, we need to:

Become aware of it.
Stop participating in it.
Change the beliefs that cause us to fall under its power.

1. Become aware of it.

We need awareness of the spell, as our belief in the lie, which manifests as the entire pattern of addiction from beginning to end (and around and around).

We need awareness that the original lie arose after TAHL. We weren’t always this way. We must also accept that there’s no going back; our choice is to move forward.

And now, things are different. We see it for what it is and realize we have a different choice.

Only through awareness that we’re on the hellish merry-go-round of addiction can we choose to step off it.

2. Stop participating in it.

Only by admitting we succumbed to the spell and participated in its perpetuation can we choose to end it…but we must choose. We must make the choice to get off the ride.

This means taking responsibility for:

Believing the lie
Our participation in making the lie real

Only then can we choose to reclaim our power and participate in dismantling all of this. This is simple but not easy. It requires work and commitment.

3. Change the beliefs that cause us to fall under its power.

See the lie for what it is.

Identify your “I am” statements and the spell they carry.
Disconnect “I” from the damage and deficit.
Disconnect “I” from “a loser, weak, stupid, unlovable, worthless, etc.”

Recognize how belief in the lie and our participation make it real. In doing this, we relinquish our power to the spell of addiction.

For example, if “I am a loser” is the lie, the only reason it becomes real is because I actively create and participate in the cycle of addiction to make it so.

My belief that “I am a loser” causes me to participate in the following cycle:

Planning: Come up with a plan to make myself feel better—my default will involve using my drug of choice.
Acquisition: Go through all of the necessary steps to acquire the substances and create the environment to use them.
Using: The rituals of using differ depending upon the drug. Maybe yours involves cutting lines of cocaine, pouring wine into your favorite glass before dinner, or sitting down with a tub of ice cream and cueing up Netflix.
Covering up: The aftermath involves guilt, shame, and facing the consequences (which are painfully obvious).
Results for everyone to see: “Wow. What a loser.”

Awareness that our belief in the spell leads to our participation in making it a reality offers an opportunity to do something different. Seeing what plays out—what always plays out—is an invitation to stop participating and stop providing evidence that the belief is true.

From there comes awareness that “I” am in charge of my actions and choices moving forward. “I” am no longer inextricably intertwined with the critical self-belief.

From this place, we can choose other options that will establish, validate, and strengthen new, affirming beliefs moving forward.

We break the spell. We step out of active addiction. We restore our sovereignty.